By Laura Zigman

7 completely new ways to say “I don’t care enough about Valentine’s Day to complain about it!”


Another year, another made-up holiday that makes you feel like a loser if you’re single or otherwise romantically-challenged. Of course it’s ridiculous for healthy unattached adults to waste precious potential-coupling time getting their sadz on when they could be scrolling through their OKCupid or Tinder feeds. But sometimes you just need to verbalize your truth, so here are 7 new ways to tell yourself -- and the world -- how little you care about Valentine’s Day. Run your own words through these super-fun online translators and feel liberated from the tyranny of the holiday that enforces romance on people who might not have any right now at this particular second (but who will definitely have some in the not-too-distant-future). Because in the immortal words of Yoda, “Luminous beings are we.”

  1. Say it in Yoda-Speak: Start with legendary Jedi Master, mentor to Luke Skywalker, and small, powerful, green speaker of big truths. Let the force of this two-foot tall sage be with you when you say it like it should be:

  2. Translate it into LOLcat: If there’s something more fun than sending anything through the LOLcat translator we’d like to know about it. But for now, it doesn’t get much better than “VALENTINEZ DAI IZ STOOPID.” Becuz it iz. Photo

  3. Put it in pig-latin: If you’re too young to know what pig latin is -- or, say, if you’re vegan -- you can just skip this one. For the rest of us, all the hard work of putting the beginning part of the word at the end of the word is already done for you. All you have to do is get the hang of tongue-twisting: Photo

  4. Draw it in hieroglyphics: Pictures have said a thousand words for millennia, so they can say a few more right now: Photo

  5. Talk like a Pirate, (arrrrr!!): And make Johnny Depp proud while you do it by adding lots of black eyeliner and crazy long hair:

  6. Pontificate in Shakespearean English: Counteract the dumbness of the day with some pretentious fancy-talk: Photo

  7. If all else fails, make your own book jacket: Then throw it at whatever dummiez persist in annoying you about Valentine’s Day: Photo

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